The lights hang overhead, strung from one side of the deck to the other and back again. As the sun goes down late into the evening the flames flicker on the table trying to keep the pesky bugs away.  The back door is either left wide open or constantly slamming depending on which kid is running in and out. The men are standing in the corner as smoke billows from the Big Green Egg cooking something my husband has a hankering for. The women are carrying out dishes, napkins, silverware, trays of grilled corn, plates of roasted veggies, and bowls of salad. We are in rhythm at our home. Familiar rhythm.  Our tight knit group, the guys having been friends since junior high with the wives they married that only God could have brought together. This gathering outside is not much different than the cold and rainy days when we gather in the winter. The difference is the lightness we all feel from no schedule, the sun shining well past our kids bedtimes, colorful popsicle juice dripping down chins, staining cheeks, the grass we feel between our toes and the wide open space of being outside. While this gathering is familiar to the six of us, it is not kept just between us. When we invite others in, whether it be for Pickleball tournaments, birthday parties, showers, fancy dinner parties or crappy ones, our rhythm is welcoming. We’ve learned over the years what works and what doesn’t.  We’ve tried ideas from Pinterest and from magazines. We’ve adopted family traditions and started our own. This rhythm has come from opening our door again and again. Even after marker was drawn on a marble side table, grandma’s heirloom glass was broken, bee stings, splinters cutting through the feet of many five year old girls, lego creations being destroyed and more, we continue to open our door. We continue to work on our rhythm. We know now to not have a birthday party under the tree that gives hundreds of little splinters. We know that kids will always finish eating first, so we let them have the full table and eat first. The adults then eat while the kids play. We’ve learned that not all people love our gentle giant of a German Shepherd. My kids have learned to put their most precious toys up high and to share the rest. We have learned that when one of the boys names is called out loud, we all drop what we are doing and search for the curious little wanderer. It is an ever evolving and learning process. It is one we love working on. Perfection is not something we strive for, welcoming and comfortable is. If you do not feel welcome or comfortable in our home we are doing gatherings wrong.

If you’re wanting to invite people in and don’t know where to start or what to do, Summer gatherings are a great place to start. There is an ease and simplicity that comes with summer. You don’t need a big house or large backyard. String lights are just as beautiful on your 3 foot x 5 foot concrete back patio that sits less than inches from your neighbors. If you do have any bit of a yard I recommend yard games. Cornhole and Ladder Golf are great games that are easy to explain, don’t take up much space and entertaining enough for others to watch. Have something for people to do. Put a drink in their hand soon after they arrive. There’s something about holding onto something that makes people feel more comfortable. Chalk on the sidewalk for kids, bikes and helmets to share, or a frisbee to toss is something kids always gravitate towards.  If you’re not a yard game person and more of a dig down deep and talk person, try printing off conversation cards or a have a few interesting questions stored away in your head to keep the conversation going. Start light with your questions and build to more complex ones as your get to know your guests. No need to scare them away with “What is the meaning of life?” from the get-go.

People don’t want to show up empty handed. When I’ve told people not to bring anything, I’ve learned they don’t listen and bring something anyway. For a while it stressed me out because it threw off my meal plan. People want to contribute and most likely they have food in their fridge that needs to be eaten up. If people ask what they can bring, I ask what they have to share (especially families of little kids) so they don’t have to go to the store.  You’d be surprised how quickly a meal comes together from salad greens, day old pasta salad, a few sweet potatoes that didn’t get used and blueberries that are still good but just need to be eaten.  We, as hosts, usually always provide the meat and fill in any gaps there might be. My husband loves to either cook a pork shoulder in the crock pot if he doesn’t feel like standing by the grill. If we want to step it up a notch, Salmon with pesto will almost always be on the menu. Salmon or Chicken is always great for “what do you have to share?” meals. They tend to go with anything. If we are providing the main and the sides we most likely will do some sort of Mexican meal. Carne Asada with grilled street corn, my homemade guacamole, taco salad and chips and salsa is a low key, stress free meal that almost anyone will enjoy.

For a while when I was cooking a lot of new meals for my family I would ask if we should “Toss, Keep or Tweak” the meal. Most of the time it was tweak. There were definitely some “tosses.” My son won’t even look at Spaghetti Squash anymore. I had to learn what worked in the meal, what didn’t and make adjustments. The same can be said for gatherings. If you’re new to inviting people in, it can feel clunky at first. Start simple. Keep what works, toss what doesn’t and tweak what you can. The best part, your guests probably won’t even notice. And if they do, have a good laugh about it and then serve brownies. Everyone loves brownies.

 

 

One of my mothers many gifts is making people feel special. She never just throws a party, she welcomes each person in expectation. She never just leads someone to their room for the summer, she puts their name on the door, has the light on in anticipation, with fresh flowers on the nightstand. When you step foot in my childhood home there is no doubt my mom is excited for your visit. You can’t help but feel welcomed.

There were always people in our home. It felt strange when it was just my parents and siblings around our dining room table. I remember helping my mother set up the dining room table. Folding the napkins just so, sprinkling m&m’s on the table for birthday celebrations, writing out names on place cards and filling water pitchers. I was involved in many aspects of hosting our friends, family and guests. I didn’t always enjoy it; I’m sure in my teenage years I would have rather been doing something else. But now as an adult I find myself setting up for parties and guests just as my mother would, as well as bringing my own ideas.

One of my most embarrassing moments as a parent was also the moment I realized my son was learning how to be a proper host. At just three years old, my sweet boy looked up to his great grandmother and asked, “Can I get you some wine? Maybe a beer?” I wouldn’t normally be embarrassed by such a gesture except for the fact that my son’s great grandparents do not drink. In the midst of my embarrassment I couldn’t help but also be proud. It has been a joy watching him help set up, but he is already adding his own ideas. At only seven we have seen him chalk out parking lines on the driveway, add pictures to the guest room, create a treasure hunt for kids, post a sign directing guests where to go and so much more.

If you want to teach your child hospitality, lead by example. Try not to stifle their creativity. It takes a lot of restraint on my part as a perfectionist not to tell him his ideas don’t match the theme or style I am going for. Trust me, it was not easy when he buried that treasure right in the middle of the flowerbed. But to see the joy on his face when he led those kids on his own treasure hunt was priceless. We have also taught him to ask guests “Can I get you anything to drink?” And leave the choice up the guest.

*This post was originally written for the MOPS blog*